im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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