if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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