and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
