we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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