That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
