I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
