I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
