woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
