wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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