I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
