Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
