I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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