You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
