so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
