After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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