Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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