Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
