There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
