The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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