New invention idea: vibrating tampons
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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