smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
