after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
