So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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