he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
