Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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