Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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