My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
