yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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