So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.