think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.