Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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