So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
