dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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