well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
