if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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