being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
