I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize