Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
