i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
