So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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