I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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