for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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