Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
