We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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