I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
