Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
