After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
