peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize