i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
