Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize