I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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