I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
