wrigley field is MILF paradise
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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