Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
