Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
