she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
