Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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