You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
40s are totally the cure
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize